Shame[1], a
film by Steve McQueen, is a provocative and brave film about the lustful but
destructive world of sex addiction. It follows the life of Brandon an executive
in New York who leads an ordinary life but is fanatically addicted to sex. The
film boldly displays the physical symptoms of sex addiction as Brandon immerses
himself in casual sex, prostitutes, porn and masturbation. Even more
intriguingly Shame explores the psyche of an addict with such intensity that it
is almost painful to watch. This psychological aspect of the addiction really
strikes a chord in me because I can almost see myself in Brandon.
Upon the release of Shame, The Guardian published an article titled
‘Shame: sex addicts reveal all’[2]
featuring five recovering sex addicts. One of them says “an addict needs a
series of rituals to get them into what they call the bubble or trance”. It can
either be music, alcohol or anything that forces you to indulge in sexual
ecstasy in any way possible. Ever since the slutty girl in me unleashed herself
I only seek sexual pleasure when I’m dressed up to the nines. When I’m really
into it I can suck and get a good pound up to six times on a single weekend. I
wonder if my alter ego puts me in the bubble and gives me the energy I need to
satisfy my hunger.
Another aspect of sex addiction featured heavily in the article is
sex addiction is in fact an intimacy issue. This notion is portrayed in Shame
when Brandon fails to get turned on with a girl he has started building a
relationship with. The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago when a guy was
trying to have sex with me. Upon reflection I could think of two causes: I
wasn’t in my alter ego’s bubble and we knew each other very well. When I looked
back at sexual encounters I hardly had sex with the same guy more than once or
twice. I just simply find it more exciting to play with someone who doesn’t
know or doesn’t have emotional connection with me.
Sex addiction is no different than drugs, alcohol or gambling
addiction as it affects you on so many levels. But an addiction only becomes an
addiction when it has a negative impact in your life and others around you. This
is where I draw the line between Brandon and myself. I do think that I have
perfected my sexual routines so I can still perform and enjoy non-sexual
activities. As much as I am willing to push boundaries, I am not breaking the
law nor am I facing any legal charges. More importantly, unlike Brandon and the
five sex addicts, I feel no shame in over indulging in one of life’s greatest
pleasures. On that note I am going to quote Marquis de Sade, a French writer who was famous for his libertine
sexuality, "Sex is as important as eating or drinking and we ought
to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false
modesty as the other”[3].
